My First Month In College
Before I left for college, my sister told me that these days would be the best days of my life.
Well, its only been a month, and the jury is still out on that. It definitely has not been my best month, but it isn’t the worst, either. It’s somewhere in the middle — between nostalgia for the summer and starting what feels to be like an entirely new life.
Being in my classes, I let impostor syndrome set in. I feel surrounded by people who are genuinely great at what they do. I feel inexperienced and silly. Learning that my insecurities aren’t an excuse to give up has been one of the biggest realities that I’ve had to face.
I also learned quickly to shut off expectations. This is something I should have learned when COVID-19 entered the picture back in March. Alas, I did not and am facing the fact that my expectations don’t matter.
Loneliness sets in for a bit every day. I am extremely introverted and don’t get me wrong, I love my alone time. However, at home, I relied more on others than I realized. Now, I find myself hours away from my support system.
It’s hard to make new friends over Zoom or social media when you’re overly anxious. I’m still learning.
I embraced this feeling for the first time in years. I let my feelings soak in, and I tried to understand exactly why I felt this way. It’s because I’m homesick — something that independent little me never would have thought would be a reality.
To sum it up, I guess that I learned that I’m still learning. I am far from knowing everything. I am trying to reconcile with the fact that I am not going to meet every single expectation I had for college, especially when I don’t even try to make them a reality.
So, I’ll soak it all in and take things as they come.